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Dating is always tough to navigate: What do you text back, who pays the check, and why is it so hard to meet normal people? But dating in 2022 brings a whole new set of difficulties: The old rules of dating no longer apply, most exchanges happen over an app, and we forgot how to do our makeup while staying at home since 2020 (nope, just me?). But difficult or not, you deserve a fulfilling life, fun ways to meet new people, and to actually enjoy dating (because no one should have Charlotte’s dating exhaustion).
Furthermore, a guy who is trying too hard to impress a girl might agree with everything she says, thinking that disagreeing might make the girl not like him. In a nutshell, guys who feel they need to impress a woman think that they are in an inferior position, and as such, they need to do all it takes to measure up. And the downside to this is that it makes you come off as needy. Out of the need to impress, most guys will talk too much about themselves and their achievements, lie to make themselves look good, over-flatter the girl, etc., all of which will quickly make them a bore to the girl. One of the frequently asked questions on Google about dating is “how to get a girl to have sex with you on a first date.” This is one of the biggest mistakes guys make with dating. You see, if your mind is already on how you’ll have sex with a girl right from the first date, that’s going to affect how you relate with her.
Most guys believe they have to be tough all the time. Men are taught very early on to not show too much emotion. And for this reason, most men learn to not show any form of vulnerability around women. But the truth is that vulnerability can make a woman feel more connected to you. Think about it. Showing a woman that you can be vulnerable around her tells her that she’s special to you. It means you trust her, and she can trust you to be transparent with her anytime. For instance, some men will still like to show dominance even when they are at fault. But a man who willingly opens up and simply admits his wrongs, though is vulnerable at that moment, will only melt his woman’s heart with his honesty and emotional maturity.
Treat every date like it’s special: Okay, we know. Not every date is going to include sparks and fireworks. Sometimes it’s just plain boring or what you thought was going to be a great match turns out to be a total clash. But the important thing to remember is that every single date no matter the outcome is an opportunity for growth. You’re making a connection with another human, after all, and there’s always something to learn and something to share. Be curious, ask questions, find qualities about that person to appreciate, and after each date, even the duds. Take a moment to recognize how the experience contributes to your self-growth.
Repeat after me: Dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience—whether it’s a date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating—brings you closer to clarity.
Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.
My motto is: you get what you put up with. So, are you willing to accept someone who walks all over you, disrespects your boundaries, or takes from you without giving in return? Expect more. Better yet, work on believing that you deserve more, and that way, you can hold any future partners accountable. Start by making a list of all the skills and positive qualities you can bring to the table in a relationship. Are you a compassionate listener? Generous with your time? Have a great sense of humor? If you need to, ask friends for their take on what your biggest strengths are. Once you’ve drafted your list, read it every single day. Eventually, it’ll start sinking in that you have a lot to offer in a relationship, and therefore, should only be with someone who not only appreciates all of those qualities but also has a lot to offer in return.
Finding the right person with whom you can share your life has never been an easy process. While connecting to individuals has become a bit more convenient thanks to online dating platforms and social media, dating is still a fairly complex process. One common myth is that there is a perfect person out there for everyone and that finding the person will lead to a fairytale ending of living happily ever after. In contrast, relationships require work and compromise from both partners and ultimately, the most important thing one can do when dating is to be authentic and open to the possibility of building a meaningful connection with someone who shares the same values and interests.
Don’t…take someone else for granted! Like you, the other person is trying to date in difficult times and don’t want their time wasted, so be considerate. If something doesn’t feel right, be honest and give the chance for you both to move on. Do…set healthy boundaries. Those who feel they give more than they receive in dating and relationships, may have difficulties setting healthy boundaries. It could be time to work on yourself first. There is plenty of help available like the Made My Date ‘Coaching for Dating’ service, to set boundaries and provide tools to help improve your dating.